I'm Unplugged

Last time I blogged and discussed 50% disgust at the way I was being treated by a theater, I spent a whole chunk o' time trying to calm some peops the fuck down.  And I couldn't figure out why.  It's not like my name was attached.  It's not like the theater's name was attached.  It's not like I use ANY NAMES ANYWHERE EVER.


But it freaked some people the fuck out and they made my life difficult.


And it's difficult enough already.


We've discussed in other environs how much I love my job.  I do.  I express the human condition. Perhaps an audience member's life is changed by something I illuminate.


But probably not in this show.


But sometimes.


It is hard traveling.


Hard.


And there are ways that theaters can make you feel welcome.


I'm going to point out the ways to make me (and perhaps any actor) feel unwelcome and not special...AT ALL.


1. Don't get the contracts to my agent until 2 1/2 weeks before the gig when you've known I'm coming for the past 8 months.


2. Claim that you've been too busy to get the contracts out.


3. Include ridiculous conditions in your rider.


4. Offer me a salary cut on my fourth and final theater of a co-production.


5. Then claim you were waiting for Equity to send you the wording for the pay bump. (Come on...you were just hoping we weren't actually READING the contract.  Admit it.)


6. Have your company manager meet me at the airport with the greeting, "Oh, you know people in town?  Good.  Then you won't call me when you need something."


7. Give me an apartment where one of the couches is massively suspicious.


8. Give me an apartment where the dishes are dirty from the previous tenant.


9. Where the bathtub is filthy.


10.Where the floors are sticky.


11. Tell me I have an understudy, put it in the contract, and then rescind the offer.


12. Then Rescind the rescind (but not really...).


And the piece de resistance...


11. Decide that I don't need a wig runner when I have 15 costume and 12 wig changes...most of them under the category of "quick change." Decide this unilaterally.  My character changes are not parlor tricks like THE 39 STEPS.  I play actual people.


Not feeling special...


Not feeling welcome...


Boo.


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It's a bitchfest.